It's been a while. How are you?

So, these don't really count as new years resolutions, but it's been a while since I really did any work on myself.

The physical realm:

So, I haven't had a proper soda at all so far, which is almost a month. For about a week, I tried diet soda, but I'm sure that is just as bad, so I'm cutting that out too. I am not weighing myself, since weight loss is not my goal, but I am examining myself in the mirror to see if I still look like a mashed potato sculpture of Chris Farley. Link to pictures that inspired me here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrjoeterrace/sets/72157612117750004/
In those pics, I am the albino walrus with erysipelas. Robert is the hot Latino. However, I am beginning to notice improvement, to wit: I have a neck again.

I also have been walking places for a change. At first, it was a real workout to walk around the block. today, I walked twentyish blocks to church and back. Which brings us to:

The spiritual realm:

At Victoria's birthday party last week, I ran into many old friends from First Congregational. these were people whom I love and respect, but to whom I am not close enough to have really talked about my move to Denver. It probably seemed to them, therefore, that I just disappeared and, to the extent that they were Jezussy, fell away from the faith. Of course, many of these didn't realize that I never felt a part of "the faith", anyway. A few of them, after I explained, were visibly relieved that I had not abandoned them. I am, after all, a light, especially in a spiritual context. Then they asked a question that I did not expect, though I might have: "Have you found a church to go to?" I refrained from saying church shmurch, but later thought about it. What have I done this past year to plug in? To develop my higher faculties? Aside from a bit of woogity concentration some nights, not much.

So, went to the local Baha'i center today. I walked, which was a spiritual act in itself. It was brisk, and the lightest of snows was blessing everything it touched. I chose the Baha'i for a few reasons, not the least of which was its being in walking distance. Robert and I went there last year, expecting a formal service. Instead there, was a simple prayer circle. Each person in turn offered a song or prayer, and then all went home. The same was true today.

I believe in the idea of tightening one's vibration as a way of plugging in. It is this vibration that I look for to alert me to a spiritual presence. It feels a lot like shivering, but you have to allow the shiver, and hold on to it. If you can do that, the next, amplified shiver comes and so on. I know, woogity, but I believe it. Today, I felt that shiver of the spirit again for the first time in a while, and more intensely than ever before. There were only six other people there, and we were only reading texts, but in that context I was able to hold onto my shiver for longer and grab more of it until the experience was physically identical to being high on weed. I kid you not.

It took some "Oh, what the heck" but I threw myself into the experience,and read some of the prayers out of the Baha'i book that all seemed to be using. I wouldn't say that the book struck me as alive, but rather that I was in the revolution of coincidence, and the prayers I turned to expressed exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Thus inspired, I ventured--at an expenditure of bravery--to offer a prayer out of my own heart. To my memory, it went like this:

"O, whoever or whatever is out there,
Whoever or whatever is bigger than me,
I invite you into myself
to help polish my conciousness
to clear away the anxiety,
resentment, anger, irritation,
so that when I move on from this life
to whoever and whatever is beyond it
I can say that I had reflected some portion
of your light, your heat, your fire."

and later:

"O God,
It is easy here, in this quiet
to feel your presence, the throbbing of the hands,
the rumbling beneath our feet,
the trembling of our spirits.
Please, throughout the day, throughout the week,
when we forget to reach out and touch that presence again,
in the classroom , in the kitchen,
To reach out and touch us,
That we may remember
we are not alone,
We are not without hope."

these came directly from my heart, and as such, were accccompanied by some much-needed tears.

The downside of the experience, of course, is the theology. I didn't go there to learn anything, but they kept trying--not during the meditation, mercifully--to teach me. "If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them", and so forth. I tried to explain that I wasn't interested in knowledge, but in that which was beyond knowledge. Part of their doctrine is to share their teaching, to evangelize, although they would probably bristle at that, and I was a ripe opportunity for them to discharge that responsibility. I was having none of it, and they probablly thought they scared me away. I bet they are surprised when I come back next week.

I should probably also mention in this space that I am going to audition for the Empire Lyric Players next month. Singing is unmistakeably a spiritual act for me, and I mustn't go without it.

The fiscal realm:

I have been doing better this past year at managin my finances. I have been keeping on top of my bills, for instance, and I have even had a few dollars left at the end of the month on occassion. What is more, I have been picking inconsequentially away at my credit card debt. At this rate, I will never get out of it, but I am getting into a good habit that, this year, I shall expand. Let me see:

income: 2400 monthly

set expenses:
rent:400
car:150
insurance:100
Dody: 100
phone: 65
Netflix: 20
Meds: 15
total: 850

Likely expenses:
gas: 125
groceries: 200

which leaves: 1225

Last month, I spent 250 paying down debt, which means I spent almost a grand on nothing in particular. Even wihtout looking, I know where it went: eating out.

Suppose that I limit my eating out to 100 dollars a week. That still leaves more than five hundred dollars for other shit, like durther paying down debt. Let's say then, that I shall pay 250 to Citi this coming paycheck, and 60 to Ent. Hmmm. 200 for misc. That is cutting it close, but I think I can do it. at that rate, i think I can pay off ENT by sometime next year.

The occupational realm:

I am kicking ass here so far. My instruction has been tight, and my classroom management has been . . . acceptable. I had a minor conflict with my Principal, but in short the school is exactly what I would want and I have no intention of going anywhere next year. The year after that, however, is another matter. I would like to start my TEFL certification so that in two years, I will have a job ticket for anywhere in the world. I'm registered at UCD already, why not go right now and look it up a little? BRB.

Hmmm. No info so far. I'll have to contact my PD gal at work on Monday.

The emotional realm:

Yeesh. Do I want to be with Robert or not? Does he even realize I'm asking myself this question? Should I tell him? I don't even feel like writing about it here, let alone having the conversation with him.

The mental realm:

Traditionally my strong suit, I suppose I'll let you know at least what books I'm planning on reading this year:

Finish the Greek scriptures (liveblog)
finish complete Sherlock Holmes
Life of Saint Teresa
Cymbeline
Troilus and Cressida
Titus Andronicus


I chould be done with much of this by the end of February, shich will bring me almost up to date on Ward's year 3. I expect that the Greguerias will take me many years, seeing as how I have to translate them from the Spanish as I go.

After that, my list will consist of:

• Talmud
• Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)
  Sentimental Education
• Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)
  Poems
  The Bell Jar
• Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais (1732-1799)
  Barber of Seville
  Marriage of Figaro
• Ovid (43 BC-17 AD)
  Metamorphoses
• Jean de la Fontaine (1621-1695)
  Selected Fables Set in Verse
• Sir Cecil Maurice Bowra
  Primitive Song
• Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
  Pickwick Paper

Although I doubt I'll get that far.

There you have it. My outline for the year. Love you all, and just maybe I'll write again here . . .