Random Paragraphs

The first time I put "Mr. Payne" on the blackboard, I grew up a little. I stepped back and looked at it, thinking, "Who's that?" But I suppose that's me from now on, which means no more going to the local club; how great would it be to run into students there or, worse, to be hit on by one? Thank you, but that's a conversation I can do without, so no more.

* * *

It is harder than I thought it would be to give up. I anticipated an epiphany, the moment of my ultimate trial arriving, and the soundtrack lingering in C minor while I wrestled with myself until, gloriously, I pass a point of no return and am healed forever as the orchestra bursts into a D major celebration with tutti coro. Instead, I experience a constant re-surrender, giving my life by inches instead of in a dramatic climax. Nonetheless, I am on a growth path once more, and as uncomfortable (and untheatrical) as it is, I embrace it. I am sustained by the light of the universe, and I forfeit all other claims.

* * *

It is especially difficult to accept that I am simply not ready for a romantic relationship right now. I have an effusive heart, and I long to pour the consuming flood of my love into someone deserving. Yet the consistent unwritten message I seem to get from the universe is "Not yet." The only thing that keeps me alive is the conviction that, when love arrives, I will recognize it without a doubt. All the lights will dim, save one, and I will tell myself, "It is time."

* * *

When I run into people I knew a year ago, I can't help but realize how far I've come. This past year has held incredible growth for me. At the same time, I open myself up to the devouring, healing love of the universe which fills me like a liquid sunset, like a cloud of magma, and which, if visible would resemble the pillar of fire that led Israel to freedom, and I realize that I have only experienced a blink's worth of the growth that awaits me.

* * *

If I am meant to have a heart-partner, a pobratim,

The following are not optional: open, honest, committed, brave.
The following are heavily encouraged: smart, warm, iconoclastic, mature, spiritual, centered.
And the following would seal the deal: well-read, someone to dance with, handsome, someone to sing with, good taste, financially stable, someone to raise children with, someone my family will accept.