Choosing My Experience

I wonder if I'm unique in experiencing conflicting emotions simultaneously. For instance, right now, I have an aura of radiant warmth and contentment about my life. At the same time, I feel melancholy and lonely. It is as though my emotions are running on alternating current, going back and forth so quickly as to give the illusion of simultaneity. One cannot perceive the flickering of lights that run on AC. By the same token, it seems to others like I'm glowing all the time; only I can feel the dissatisfaction.

Which is why it serves me to write my experiences down in this blog, even though I don't have anything profound to say right now. It is difficult to pin one's emotions down when they are flickering madly. If I write what I'm feeling, I can look at my emotions like a menu and pick a suitable one. Here are today's selections:

* * *

Amuse-Bouche-
*Amusement that Doug thinks I'm too young for him.
*Satisfaction at performing in the choir again.
*Contentment to have such trustworthy friends as Richard and Sherri.

Entrees-
*Loneliness. Intense loneliness.
*Frustration at the slow progress of my recovery.
*Empowerment at the realization that Truth withstands the burden of trust.
*Interest in Micah.

Entremets-
*Confusion with what's up with Robert.
*Excitement at the prospect of teaching.

* * *

Now that I look at it, there's rather a nice balance of experiences--mostly positive, but not so rich as to cause indigestion. I think I'll try them all.